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Only moments ago, a co-worker stopped by my office with a curious looking jewelcase atop a velveteen cushion. Gently, I lifted the object off of it’s pillowy home to discover that it was an advanced copy of Adam Lambert’s debut CD, “For Your Entertainment.” My reaction:
There it was, in all its glory: Adam’s cocked head, the fingerless lambskin gloved hand grazing his buttery cheek, the gaze that says (whispered) “Put me in your CD player and listen to me gurl.” And so I did. A dramatic reenactment of my opening of the CD:
Before I even popped the CD in, I had the rare opportunity to actually flip through the liner notes, a luxury since most people went the way of digital downloads. It smells like a High School Yearbook from the minor planet Lambertini (an actual planet!), and features a variety of Lambert poses range from “steely intensity” to “Ludwig van Gaythoven“.
OK Listening time. Follow me on my journey as I liveblog listening to “For Your Entertainment.”1. Music Again. Starts off with a fun industrial NIN beat, then quickly forks out into Queen and Mika territory. It’s exactly the fun, over-the-top rock opera sort of music Lambert’s fans were white knuckling to the heavens for. We can see Adam performing this live while wearing leather stilts, two Nintendo Powergloves, conducting a lightning orchestra with his mind. Also, it’s about sex. Having sex and listening to music.
2. For Your Entertainment. I’ll admit, the first time I heard the song, I knew it was going to take some getting used to. And perhaps it’s the black tar caffeine coursing through my veins at the moment, or the fact that I’m listening to the final produced version, but it sounds muuuuuuchhhhh betttttter. It’ll be a fun drunk club song, and even funner if said club happens to have laser beams and a smoke machine.
3. Whataya Want From Me. I automatically like this song because of the “cool” “hip” “young” spelling of the first word. Though I’m sure a few quick Census searches will prove that there are at least a dozen people living in these United States who respond to the name “Whataya.” The song was written by P!nk and my favorite Swede out of a chef’s hat, Max Martin, who has basically written every song you’ve ever loved. And in terms of Martin’s oeuvre, I would put “Whataya Want From Me” somewhere between “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)” and “Hit Me Baby One More Time” in terms of “Songs I Want Played at My Funeral.” My only critique of the song is that it sounds suuuuper over-produced, to the point where the background music almost takes over the vocals. But I’m only saying that cause I’m a bitch. It’s good.
4. Strut. Oh sh*t, son. It’s struttin’ time:
This is a big ol’ gay anthem for struttin’, meaning, in other words, it’s amazing. And look! American Idol judge Kara DioGuardia wrote it with Adam! Bikini-flaunting aside, she has talent, imagine. I — nay, the world — would like to thank both Kara & Adam for penning/singing this song, as now we have a new theme song to listen to while mowing down people on New York City streets. We’re also loving the “Karma Police” like dream break at 2:20. The song is great: Catchy, has a great hook, is about dramatic walking. A+5. Soaked. Let’s kick this off with an appropriate GIF, shall we?
OK, I am already getting teary because Muse’s Matthew Bellamy wrote this tune. I know I’m only 5 songs in, but I’m declaring it my favorite on the album. Lambert is probably the only person on the planet who can do a Muse song justice, as his voice has the same amount of crazy, godly power as Bellamy’s. Without being too dramatic, this song is the scene in Titanic where the boat breaks in 2 and all the people die, i.e. epic. And the best part about it? Your Mothers will also love it. Just tell them it’s Julio Iglesias and they will probably not even know the difference. Moms!
6. Sure Fire Winners. Not great, not bad. It’s cute, and will probably be a big hit in whatever country wins the World Cup. One of those songs that is annoyingly catchy due to the simple chorus and sheer repetition. Chances are, whether you like it or not, this is what you’ll be humming in the shower after listening to the album.
7. A Loaded Smile. Ohhh what’s this dreamy opening sequence about… oh and Adam’s falsetto… y’all, I jus’ might need to take a bubble bath in the VH1 executive bathroom while listening to this jam. Sorry, Luther V. and Calgon, but I do believe “A Loaded Smile” will be the only thing to “take me away” exclusively for the remainder of the year. This song is like slipping into a mink coat on Christmas morning while tucking your cold feet under the dog: It’s cozy as helllll. And the last line, “A loaded smile, an empty glass, and one last dance” is what I’d officially like emblazoned on my headstone.8. If I Had You. This song is like “A Recipe to make Lambert.” Leather, Boots, Eyeliner, Strut, Stripper Heels. Shake well and serve. Truly, the only way to enjoy this jam is topless, in leather boyshorts, on a stage, pouring tequila into the mouths of babes. Seeing as this set up is nearly impossible at my workplace, let’s just settle on agreeing that it’s a fun, poppy jam that’s not gonna hurt anyone, and will probably get you drunk. I also wouldn’t say no to a super Romanian 1989 Disco Remix of “If I Had You.”
9. Pick U Up. Nice to see Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo credited as one of the writers of the song. “Pick U Up” does just that — it put a smile on my face. I want to regraduate high school to it, laughing while running down a hill in my cap and gown. Adam’s voice on this track is OUTSTANDING, and plays into his dramatic musical theater roots a little, which to us is always a good thing.
10. Fever. Me in the first 3 seconds of this song:
(For real, he is bopping exactly to the beat.) Of course, this is the song penned by Lady Gaga, or, as her driver’s license refers to her, Stefani Germanotta. Uch, this song is the best, and I’m not just saying that because I want Gaga and Lambert to have a baby who I will then hold above my head on the top of a mountain like Simba in The Lion King while 500,000 gay men weep beneath me. What? Yes. I’ll go ahead and call that this will be the biggest hit on the album.
11. Sleepwalker. The word sleepwalker brings about many memories. On the one hand, you’ve got probably my favorite Honeymooners episode of all time “The Sleepwalker.” What? No one here is my age (78)? I see. Well, it’s a good one. On the other soul-sucking-paw-hand, it reminds me of Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers, a movie about soul-sucking-cat-people. Happy to report that Lambert’s “Sleepwalker” falls on the un-nightmarey side of the fence.12. Aftermath. This is one of the few tracks on the album that feel super American Idol-y to me. It has the vague aroma of an Idol finale song, and a pretty average backing track that just feels way too familiar. A nice song, sure, but it’s like at the point in the bath where the water’s gone warm, and you’re too lazy to lean up and pour some hot water back into it, so you kind of just sit there in the coldish water trying to convince yourself it’s fine. And then, exactly 4:26 seconds later, you can’t take it anymore. And luckily there’s a new song! “Aftermath” is a’ight, and will probably appeal to those Kris Allen crossover fans.
13. Broken Open. This is beautiful. It’s got spacey soul. Not Kevin Spacey’s soul, thankfully, we all know American Airlines and Honda bought that sh*t up years ago. This song is relaxing and quite beautiful. It reminds me of another band… R.E.M.’s later work maybe? Keane? Years of Appletinis have simply burned a hole in my brain, so let’s just say that “Broken Open” sounds like the solar system’s heartbeat. That clears things up, right? Great.14. Time For Miracles. This song from the movie 2012, added to FYE as a “bonus track,” has been on my Ipod since its release, and it’s definitely grown on me these past few weeks. It’s a great movie anthem, especially for a film about, you know, the end of the word blah etc. yadda et al. x ∞.
“For Your Entertainment” is a more than worthy debut album, replete with a wide variety of sounds — an artistry I found surprising given that it is produced by the American Idol Sausage Factory. Fans of Lambert will not be disappointed. But for those of you who
JUST BUY IT.
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Fulong the two-year-old giant panda was shipped from Austria to China this morning in this giant panda cage. It looks like he’s in panda jail:
Because it’s Friday afternoon and I’m delirious, I really wanted to title this post “We finally nailed the perp who ate all that bamboo!” but Michelle reminded me that that was stupid, so I ended up deciding not to post it on the blog. OH WAIT I JUST DID OMG!!!! 2 LATE!!!!!
Some more pics of panda jail to start your weekend off the right way (the PANDA way):
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Say goodbye to your record, young people who are wizards, and make way for young people who are werewolves and vampires:Summit Entertainment is reporting that the “Twilight” sequel opened on Thursday night to an unprecedented .3 million during its midnight screenings across the country. The film unspooled on 3,514 screens, playing at 12:01 a.m. for die-hard fans — many of whom arrived at the theaters dressed as their favorite characters…
In case you need further proof that “Twilight” is the new “Potter,” look no further than the recent news that “New Moon” set the record for most presold tickets before opening day, or that the movie’s soundtrack charted at #1. Or that a one-day re-release of “Twilight” grossed .3 million on 2,057 screens on Thursday.
We all knew this “Twilights” trend was here to stay, but crushing Harry Potter’s record only months later by a full million?
Needless to say, Robert Pattinson is ecstatic:
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Adnan Ghalib, Britney Spears‘ old paparazzo boyfriend who allegedly threatened to release a sex tape and legally can’t contact her until 2012, is headed to jail. Pleading no contest to charges that he intentionally hit a process server with his car last February, Ghalib will spend 45 days in prison in exchange for having two of his felony counts dropped. On top of his time behind bars, Ghalib will be placed on probation for 36 months, complete a year of anger management classes and serve another 45 days doing hard labor. We’re sure Jamie Spears feels just horrible for him.
[Photo: WENN]
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Jerry O’Connell mows the lawn in a Speedo. Hard to believe this beefcake was once the fat kid from Stand By Me. [PITNB]
Leighton Meester in another hideous outfit. Has she learned nothing from playing Blair Waldorf? [Buzzfeed]
We’re feeling Heidi’s socks in this photo. We’re not feeling Spencer’s anything, though. [Go Fug Yourself]
Martha Stewart is not impressed by Rachael Ray. Any other Muppets she’d like to slam? [Bitten And Bound]
James Van Der Beek has filed for divorce from wife Heather McComb. According to his twitter, he’s now in (platonic) love with Antonio Banderas. [PopEater]
The Swell Season tried to help Jason Segel get laid at a show the other night. We’re guessing it worked. [BWE.tv]
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Filed under: Celebrity Style, Gut Reactions, Highbrow Celebrities, Movie News, Music News, TV News
From Lindsay Lohan “helping” Ungaro to Hayden Panettiere guest-designing for Dooney & Burke, high-profile partnerships between celebrities and fashion designers have become the trend du jour. Almost every week, a new star adds “fashion designer” … Read more -
Filed under: Music News, Health Issues, TV News
Miley Cyrus’ tour bus driver was killed last night after his vehicle flipped over on a highway in Virginia, TMZ is reporting. The singer’s manager told TMZ, “It was one of our tour buses, but not Miley’s. It was one of our buses that transported our … Read more -
Filed under: Good News, Movie News, Music News, TV News
In the spirit of giving this holiday season, PopEater and NiceOne! are teaming up to see which celebrities you think have been nice and charitable this year. Then, after you’re done voting, we hope you’ll stop over to NiceOne! and submit your … Read more -
Filed under: American Idol, Music News, Health Issues, TV News
First Glenn Beck and now this!?! Inflamed appendixes are wreaking havoc on celebrities this month, with Jordin Sparks the latest victim.The ‘American Idol’ winner is on the mend after having an attack of acute appendicitis this past week. She had … Read more
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‘He’s better than he’s ever been,’ Russell Simmons says at Plaza Hotel party.
By Shaheem Reid
Tyrese Gibson, Sean “Diddy” Combs and Rapper Baby
Photo: Jemal Countess/Getty ImagesNEW YORK — Still fly, still relevant, still making multiple hustles lucrative. Sean “Diddy” Combs is 40 years old. The money in the room was anything but dirty on Thursday night, as Diddy celebrated his birthday (which was actually November 4) in the Grand Ballroom of the Plaza Hotel. The atmosphere was almost like Garden of Eden meets “The Godfather,” with trees, grass and black decorations. Diddy and his goodfellas came dressed in tuxedos, the ladies in elegant gowns, and all were greeted by ballerinas serving drinks.
A little before midnight, the host walked in with a huge entourage that included Trey Songz, Tyrese, Red Café, Andre Harrell and director F. Gary Gray. Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, Rick Ross, Kim Kardashian, Martha Stewart, Gayle King, Jimmy Fallon, Bell Biv DeVoe, Jimmy Iovine, Bono and countless others all came to express their love for one of the most important figures in music over the past two decades.
“Some people start at 19, [by] 26 they’re done. He’s 40. He’s better than he’s ever been,” Russell Simmons marveled. “He’s hotter now than ever. I just watch him. He keeps getting better. He never changes with the hustle. He branches out in different areas, opens new doors. He’s an inspiration.”
Nelly echoed that sentiment. “It’s incredible, he’s one of my biggest inspirations in this,” he said. “He does the most in everything, probably working with the least. He maximizes it to the max. You see somebody doing that, how can you not want to be inspired by it?”
Estelle said the greatest thing she’s learned by watching Diddy over the years is to “do things your way versus doing things anybody else’s way. Do it the way you’re gonna do it, and be extra big and extra large.”
“It’s 4-0. You just get better,” actress Regina King said. “Forty is the new 30; it’s elegant. He wants everybody to be beautiful [at the party]. So the photographs, when he looks back on it 20 years from now, he’ll say, ‘Look how beautiful we were.’ It’s an opportunity to get pretty and throw on pretty dresses.
“I love the way [Diddy]’s evolved,” she added. “I’m glad he’s grown up. Whether he likes it or not, he’s still a role model. You can be a good role model or a bad role model. He’s grown up in a lot of people’s eyes. Those kids who want to be like him, they’re gonna pull up their pants and look to be [in multiple businesses] as opposed to just the rapper.”
So do the industry icons who’ve already past this milestone age have advice to give Mr. Combs?
“The great thing is, he has done so much in 40 years. There’s a lot of advice he can give to other people,” Grammy winner Herbie Hancock said. “There’s so much he’s learned. I hope he continues to do that, continues to grow. I see this path he’s set for himself to expand and continue to grow in various directions. That’s a great inspiration to others.”
Russell Simmons agreed. “There’s no advice. Put one foot in front of the other. What advice can I give him? Smile and breathe.”
And dance! Diddy is known for having his guests dance all night.
“The thing I can appreciate about Puff is that at one point you can go into any club and from 12:30 on, every hit they’re playing, it’s a Bad Boy hit,” said actor Malcolm Jamal Warner, who’s known Diddy since the ’80s.
“I’ll make sure I grab Lil Kim and we’ll cut up the rug definitely,” “Dancing with the Stars” pro Derek Hough smiled. “One of my all-time favorite songs was the ‘Mo Money, Mo Problems.’ Even now when it comes on, I’m a cheeseball, I’m a dork. I’m out there singing the whole song. I get into it.”
DJ Cassidy and D-Nice spun the records at this party, but Kid Capri listed the playlist he wanted to hear. ” ‘Mo Money, Mo Problems,’ you gotta have that,” he said. “You gotta have any Biggie record, ‘Hypnotize,’ ‘Juicy,’ ‘One More Chance.’ There’s so many bad Boy records that was classics! It was like that with them. They gonna keep moving too.”
While the DJs played all the hits, they could not compare to a live performance by Al Green, who took the stage to sing “Love and Happiness.”
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