People often ask me, “Dan, what’s it like working for MTV Networks? You must get so many cool perks and get to meet all kinds of famous people and also you’re probably great in bed!” And because I’m so humble, I’m usually like “Awww, youuuu knowwwww it!” and leave it at that so they’re left thinking “oh man he’s too cool to even brag! Now I know that part about bed is true!” This happens verbatim 15 times per hour.

Well, today, I have no such humility. I just received a special MTV ticket offer in my email that I just can’t help but brag about, and if it makes all you unfortunate people without super-special amazing-ticket-offer jobs jealous, it ain’t my problem:

Subject: Black Eyed Peas

There are tickets available to BEP at MSG on Feb. 24.
Section 221, Row E, Seats 10-11
9/ea

First come, first served.
No single tickets – must be purchased in pairs.
If you don’t get a reply, tickets have been sold.

Yyyyyyep. Read it and weep. Because of my cushy profession and untold amounts of personal connections with industry higher-ups (James Cameron and I are literally brothers), your faithful blogger has the option of purchasing Third-Tier, Row-E seats in the 18,000-seat Madison Square Garden to see Black Eyed Peas (or the BEPs as us superfans call them) for just 9. 9!!!!! That’s barely even way too much money!

JEAAAAAALLLLLLLOOOOOUSSSS?????? Extreeeeemely jealous???? Yeah, I know you are. Sadly, there’s no way for you to tell me whether or not you are, so I’ll just assume every single one of you is extremely jealous right now.

Er, wait, I guess you could tell me in the comments if you weren’t. NO NEED TO DO THAT. I know you’re extremely jealous so no need to say that you aren’t in the comments because I’ll know it’s sarcastic so I can go on reveling in my amazing ticket privileges.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a phone call…WITH BONO. Sonny Bono. It’s this weird new thing, where you can call–ah never mind, not worth explaining.

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