As half of Tool Academy’s first lesbian couple and one of two female Tools, Courtney had a unique, and — as you can see from this interview — sometimes conflicted view on how the other Tools treated their female roommates. But overall her attention was fixed on her damaged relationship with Cheron, which ended with her elimination this week. In this interview Courtney talks about the end of her relationship, relating to her roommates, and why Tools love twins.

I was rooting for you and Cheron, so I’m hoping that you two were able to work things out after the show.

She definitely left me. It’s hell. It’s a living, living hell. I’m actually packing right now. Our relationship was too far gone at that point, and too many things were brought to light to where our relationship wasn’t at a point of recovery. What’s best for both of us is to go different ways. So it’s hard, because I still love her, but it’s gonna do more damage trying to stick together.

The wedding scene that episode was very hard for you.

It reminded me of my ex, who is married now, and she asked me to go to her wedding. The thought of watching what I lost walk down the aisle bothered me, so I told her no. Then I thought of that when Cheron was walking down the aisle — if I don’t change my ways, this could very well be happening to me again. It was not a real wedding, thank goodness, but it was just one of those things where it was like looking into the future of “If you don’t do this, this is a very likely option.” It hit home hard.

Of all the Tools, I think that your regret and remorse was the most obvious whenever you were in a therapy session.

Yeah. And the first one, “Communication,” was hard, and I knew that it was one of the biggest problems in our relationship. At home, I just avoided emotion altogether. I wouldn’t show it. [Cheron] would call me a robot. You could not pay me a million dollars to cry, you know? And then I got there, and to actually see true pain in her because of what I did, it was hard. I can’t believe I stooped to such a level to where I would hurt somebody like I’ve been hurt before. I know exactly what that pain is like, and I just turned the tables and did it to her, and so I felt kind of, well, like a Tool. Like a douchebag. So it was more disbelief that I was that horrible a person.

Had someone cheated on you before?

My ex cheated on me with my best friend. I remember what that pain feels like, to be cheated on, and to be let down by somebody you’re still madly in love with. After that happened, all I could think is, “Cheron’s going to do it to me. ” I sound like I’m making excuses, but that was the process that’s going on in my head: “Is she going to do it to me? I might as well beat her to the punch.”

You sound just like Angelo.

Had they shown both of our stories right next to each other, they would parallel each other. They’re pretty damn identical.

Trina said that you had a little trouble making friends with the other Tools. But it sounds like you found a lot in common.

Angelo and I could relate a lot to each other, and Tommy’s just a fun guy. At first it was a little bit difficult, especially having Jennavecia, a straight person, in the Tool house. They just attacked Jennavecia, and me they didn’t know exactly what to do with. Should they feel threatened by my girlfriend being in the house with their girlfriends or not? And that was something that went back and forth a little bit. But they ultimately ended up deciding they weren’t threatened by Cheron, they were threatened by Kyle.

Did you worry about Cheron at all? It seems like Tools are of the philosophy that lesbians just need a good man to turn them straight.

It could have been. None of them ever said that. I don’t think any of them would have had the balls to ever say that to me. And I think that after wrestling Chasyn, I showed that I can hold my own. I’m sure some of them probably thought that about Cheron at least, especially after finding out that I was her first female relationship. Because I think with women, you just need a good woman, and I’ll turn you.

So that could have been intimidating for your fellow Tools, because everyone’s already so worried about their partners leaving them anyway.

Yeah, that definitely provided a lot of questions from them in the house. I didn’t mind answering the questions, I told them, I’m the kind of person you’re going to have to ask me the questions, I’m not just going to offer random facts about me. I opened the floodgates when I said that, because they had a lot of questions: “How do you get women? How do you do this?” I’m just like, “Well its easy, you know…” And so it could have been a little bit of intimidation. I felt like I had a bunch of kids at story time, sitting around wanting to know everything about lesbians.

Ha, so you were there representing lesbian Tools everywhere.

Well, clearly there was a lot of sexual tension in the house just because nobody was getting laid, and so we would talk about sex a lot. The debate came up about what sex would be like with lesbians, how I approach girls and why I like straight girls over gay girls. “Is it true that lesbians bring a U-Haul on the second date?” All your typical stereotypes. Questions that made me laugh, but that I was not going to answer. But at least there is more of an education behind it now, not just “two women hooking up is hot,” in their eyes.

Is having that in common — liking women — why the other Tools immediately attacked Jennavecia and called her a slut, but they didn’t do the same to you?

They saw me as one of the guys. I’m just guessing that, because I’m sleeping with women and my anatomy is completely female, but my mannerisms when it comes to getting women are more masculine. They just viewed me as one of their own. I’m running around talking about sleeping with twins and sisters and all these women, and they are like, “Right on!” I got the same treatment. And Jennavecia on her video was like, “Oops, I slipped and fell on this guy’s…” you-know what, and they are like, “Oh, you’re a slut if you’re a girl.” So there were a lot of times where it actually caused a lot of emotional battles within me. A couple times, it wasn’t shown on TV, but even the girlfriends were like, “You’re living with this girl [Jennavecia] in the house,” and somehow I would be alienated out of the girls and and get put in with the guys. So I don’t think anybody in the house viewed me as the typical woman.

Like that person said during the focus group episode, they saw you as a “man with a vagina.”

Man with a vagina. Yeah, that was a wonderful statement. I battle with a lot of my own stuff and it was just hard to hear anybody say what you already think of yourself in a bad way. It’s nothing anybody wants to hear. I’ll walk around with boys basketball shorts and stuff. But I also love getting my hair done religiously every two months, I love getting my nails done, I love all this stuff. I like to relax in loose clothes, and I give off a more masculine demeanor because that’s how I’ve been since I was little. And it was just hard because I don’t like to think of myself being viewed as a man by the public, because my whole thing is, if you’re a girl and you like girls, be a girl and like girls.

Well, I think she was mostly referring to your behavior, since she had just heard your twins story.

Yeah, that’s how I had to view it as afterward, because I wanted to jump through the wall and choke her.

What is it with twins?

[Laughs] For me, I’ve always had a thing for twins just because it’s double the fun, in my eyes. One of you is already hot, but there’s another one of you just like you just as hot. And I like challenges.

Well you took all the sessions and therapy seriously. Even though you didn’t stay with Cheron, did you continue to do therapy like you said you would?

Yes. I learned after getting eliminated from the show and being on the show that I have a lot of things that, like I said, I’m stubborn and I figure that I can take care of things by myself and I don’t need anybody’s help. That’s my biggest problem and the show helped me realize that I can’t fix everything on my own. So my therapy or counseling, or whatever you’d like to call it, is actually helping me a lot. It’s helping me heal from my past and then from Cheron’s too, because this is painful. I walked in [the apartment] today and there’s boxes everywhere. Not a sight I enjoy seeing. I will definitely continue it, because I want to be a better person. I eventually, one day, want to be good relationship material for somebody, whoever that somebody is.

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