Hopefully by now you’ve seen the video of 7-year-old Preston Scarbrough expertly evading the police in his parents’ car then ditching the vehicle and making a run for it like he was on a Disney Channel version of Cops. This kid is my new hero. If he’s not yours, then you are clearly a racist (yea, I said it). However, I can’t shake the feeling that there is something sinister behind those innocent eyes…

First, check out this video of Preston talking with Natalie Morales and Al Roker on the Today Show.

Cute, right? How could you be mad at that kid? Let’s just give him his license now because it would be adorable and he’s pretty damn good behind the wheel, right? Not so fast, citizen DMV worker. Preston was on the Today Show again with Meredith Viera, and his story seems to change a little bit when asked why he took the car (after the jump).

First he says it’s because he took the car because he didn’t want to go to church, then he says he wanted to see what it would be like to drive a car. Kid, your story has HOLES… and I don’t think you have the correct star-and-moon-shaped plastic pegs to hammer in them. Your Macaulay Culkin in the first Home Alone act my have everyone else fooled, but I know exactly who you’ll grow up to be:

That’s right. Preston will grow up to be Sawyer from Lost (pre-time travel Sawyer, of course). He’s a straight-up grifter. Prove me wrong.

Kudos, though, Preston. This is your week. Enjoy it, because next week you can’t play video games for FOUR WHOLE DAYS. Sucks to be you.

The rest of you, have a great weekend and enjoy all the Nintendos you want. For more of my crackpot accusations of toddlers, follow me on Twitter (@tomgam).

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